Sometimes I catch myself dwelling on my disappointments. I focus on the fact that I’m still looking for a job, that I’m still single at 32, and that, at this point, my life doesn’t look like I imagined it would. It’s so easy for my negative thoughts to completely take over and leave me feeling disappointed and ungrateful for everything that I have.
Contrary to what my negative thoughts would have me believe, I have so many things to be thankful for. God has provided for me in numerous ways. I figured Thanksgiving was an appropriate time to give recognition to two people God has provided to fill a role I was so afraid Gideon would never have.
One of the reasons I tried so hard to make it work with Keller was because I wanted our son, Gideon, to have a father. I know all of the statistics about what happens when children grow up without a father. According to Psychology Today, children without a father are more likely to:
- Have behavior problems
- End up in prison
- Do poorly in school
- End up experiencing abuse or end up in dysfunctional relationships
- Have drug or alcohol addiction
- Live in poverty
Why in the world would I want to put my child in jeopardy of experiencing any/all of these things? I didn’t want our son to be doomed from the start simply because Keller and I had a toxic relationship. My thought process before Gideon was born was if I wanted my son to have a father, I had no choice but to continue to allow Keller in our lives. Most of my therapy sessions before Gideon was born focused on this exact dilemma: Was I setting my son up for failure by not allowing Keller into our lives? or Was I setting my son up for success by not having a relationship with Keller? Would my son resent me for not having a relationship with his dad? Did the abuse Keller was putting me through warrant Keller not having the opportunity to be an involved father? Was I denying Keller the opportunity to be a father or was Keller making that choice by continuing his abusive behavior? These thoughts swirled around in my head constantly. . . with little relief.
After Gideon was born, I held out hope that Keller wanted to be a loving father and would one day rise to the occasion; however, I soon realized (at least at this point in our story) that Keller could not be in our lives. My heart broke. I felt like my son would be at a disadvantage because of my choices. . . . Gideon would never get to experience the joy of running up to his daddy when he got home from work. Gideon would never get to wrestle on the floor or climb on his daddy. He would never get to work in the yard or build things with his daddy. My mind was focused on all of the negatives. Notice all the “nevers” . . .
With time I had to remind myself that I didn’t cut Keller out of our lives; instead, Keller made the choices that resulted in that decision. I worked with my therapist to figure out how I would answer the inevitable question of who Gideon’s dad was. Each time I thought of him growing up without a father, I would choke back tears. How would I reply on paper forms that asked for his father’s name? Do I leave that question blank? If I leave that question blank, does it imply that I don’t know who his dad is? Do I have to explain myself or simply say I’m a single mother? Was I ok with people coming up with their own version of why I was a single mom? How would I explain to Gideon that I wanted Keller to be in our lives, yet Keller was saying he wanted to be in our lives, but he couldn’t be? The questions were unrelenting.
As I surrendered these unanswered questions, I prayed that Gideon would have a father figure in his life. I felt God saying, “Do you trust Me?” That was a tough question . . . I honestly still have a difficult time trusting God with the details of my life; however, I had to have faith that God would hear my prayers for Gideon to have a father figure in his life.
Enter my Dad and brother-in-law, David. Before Gideon was born, I was anxious about how Gideon would be received. I honestly didn’t know if my family would consider him a part of their family or not. I had no basis for this feeling, but it was a thought that plagued my mind. David heard about the situation occurring between Keller and me. To my humble disbelief, he told my sister (his wife) that he was prepared to assist my unborn baby and me financially or with whatever we would need. David understood that there would be needs that would arise since I would be a single mom and David wanted to be able to help meet those needs. To date, David has followed through and has provided for Gideon and me in tangible ways. Likewise, as soon as my Dad held Gideon after he was born, there was an instant connection, which continues to be a wonderful bond to this day. Both my Dad and David are committed to helping Gideon grow up to be a godly man. They are committed to making Gideon successful and ensure that all of his needs are met.
I am so thankful for these 2 men, my Dad and David, in Gideon’s life. My Dad and David have stepped up and become father figures in Gideon’s life. Gideon loves his Grandpa and his Uncle David and it has been so special to see how they love Gideon in return. These 2 godly men love and care for Gideon even though Gideon is not their son. God answered my prayer for Gideon to have a father figure in ways I never thought possible – He provided Gideon with 2 wonder father figures.
While all earthly fathers have shortcomings, God, our Father in Heaven, is a perfect Father. Pastor Gene Veith writes, “Earthly fathers have certain remote similarities to Him (God);” however, “the essence of fatherhood is found in God, not in human beings.”
- God is a father to the fatherless (“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” – Psalm 68:5)
- God is a loving Father (“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’” – Jeremiah 31:3)
- God is our Provider (“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” – Matthew 6:26)
- God is a Good Father (“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” – James 1:17)
- God lovingly corrects His children (“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father to the son he delights in.” – Proverbs 3:11-12.)
I love the name “Abba Father” when referring to God. Abba translates to “Daddy.” Abba Father – Daddy describes the deeply personal, intimate relationship each one of us can have with God. Abba Father knows me inside and out because He created me. Abba Father knows my strengths and weaknesses. Abba Father knows my purpose and has predestined each of my days.
This Thanksgiving I am so thankful that God answers prayers. I am so thankful that God has used my Dad and David as father figures for Gideon. I am so thankful that God loves me, provides for me, and lovingly disciplines me when needed. I am so thankful that God is good. I am so thankful that God is my Abba Father.
Love,
Redeemed Mama