I had the privilege of sharing my testimony at the Care Net Women’s Resource Center of North County’s annual banquet a few weeks ago. I wanted to share with you what I said during those few minutes. I hope being able to read this encourages someone who needs a reminder that God is faithful even in the midst of difficult circumstances. There is also a live recording with captions now as well if you prefer to listen to it.
Introduction
Life is full of choices. I was faced with one of the biggest choices I’ve ever had to make in October 2018. I found out I was pregnant and I had to decide if I was going to keep my baby or have an abortion.
Every Life Matters
Even though I’m pro-life, the idea of not having to tell my family was compelling. Plus, I was being pressured to have an abortion. I convinced myself that taking the abortion pill was the right thing to do. On the way to Planned Parenthood, I told myself that if they didn’t have the abortion pill that was the sign I needed to keep my baby. Not only did that facility not have the abortion pill, but there wasn’t a facility in a three hour radius that had it. I got out of Planned Parenthood as fast as I could and I called my mom. Her first words after I told her I was pregnant were, “It’s ok. We’re going to get through this.” Immediately, a wave of peace washed over me. I made an appointment at Care Net. My amazing advocate, Shelley, prayed with me and provided support throughout my pregnancy. God’s faithfulness was very evident on that day and that peace I felt stuck with me through my pregnancy. On June 25, 2019, my son, Gideon, was born. He was perfect. I am so thankful God blessed me with such an amazing son.
It’s Not the Length of Time that Makes a Life
Life as a single-mom is difficult. However, it is also filled with so much joy. Gideon resists naps at all costs, is constantly on the go, and is very strong willed. I have no idea where he gets that trait from… You will always find him playing with cars and trains, laughing and sometimes fighting with his cousins, and dancing to Thunderstruck.
Honestly, our life doesn’t look the way I imagined it would. But thankfully, I have so many people who support me and Gideon. My Dad and my brother-in-law have stepped in to fill the father-figure role in Gideon’s life. Both of my sisters love Gideon like their own. The amazing advocates at Care Net have prayed with me and walked alongside me on my motherhood journey. It really does take a village and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.
On May 23, 2022 Gideon and I were walking to the mailbox and he was pushing one of his favorite toy trucks. In the blink of an eye, Gideon was in Jesus’s arms. A car pulled forward out of its parking space and the driver didn’t see Gideon. The doctor said he was “instantly with Jesus.” About an hour before the accident, I told Gideon we should practice the songs for his preschool performance that would have been the next morning. I suggested we sing the Wheels on the Bus, but Gideon said, “No, Mommy. This is the day we sing Hosanna!” And that’s exactly what he got to do about an hour later – sing hosanna directly to Jesus.
Gideon’s Legacy
Even though Gideon’s life on earth was short, I am so thankful that I got to be his Mommy. If I had gone through with having an abortion, I would have probably grieved his death alone or maybe with a handful of other people. But since I chose to give Gideon life, his life continues to touch so many people. Gideon was the embodiment of joy and he loved Jesus with all of his heart. So while this hurts more than anything I have ever experienced, I have hope-filled grief because I know I will be with Jesus and Gideon one day in Heaven.
Life is both hard and joyful. It’s full of laughter and tears. But even a short life still has meaning. I know God will continue to use Gideon’s life in more ways than I could ever imagine. God has been faithful even in the midst of this immense pain. On the Friday before the accident, my sister and I both listened to Lee Strobel on Family Talk. He was discussing his new book A Case for Heaven. I was so intrigued by what he said that I downloaded his book right then and there. God was already providing resources even before the accident because He knew my family and I were going to need them.
Closing
I am clinging to the fact that God has been faithful in the past so I know He will be faithful in the future. Even though I have no idea what that looks like. I’m comforted by John 13:7 – Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”