Hi blog world! I want to introduce myself. My name is Brittany. I like to go to concerts, go out dancing, grab coffee with friends, and listen to podcasts or audiobooks while I take long walks. I’m an enneagram 8, talk very loudly, and have a bubbly personality. I’m always up for a road trip and love traveling to new places. I have a heart for people and enjoy making new friends. I am a single mom to a wonderful little boy (Gideon) who just turned one. Most importantly, I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and believe He loves me so much that He died on the cross to save me from my sins.
I promised God I would share my story so other people could see His faithfulness in my life and He could be glorified. When you make a promise like that to God you better be ready to keep it.
So, here it goes: I had a pretty good life and was living my dream in Washington, DC. I had a great job, lived in a high-rise apartment on Capitol Hill, took fabulous vacations, and had a great group of friends. Without realizing it, my life got off track and I found myself in a very dark place. I let myself get into a toxic relationship with a man I will call Keller and then faced an unplanned pregnancy. I felt so alone and ashamed of my actions. I was too embarrassed to share with anyone what was going on in my relationship. Ultimately, I began to define myself by my failures. I forgot who I was as a person and more importantly, forgot Whose I was.
Over time, my family and friends began to catch on to the mental and verbal abuse I was experiencing from Keller. They begged me to stop communicating with him, but I felt trapped since we were having a child together. I believed I was a failure as a daughter because I got pregnant out of wedlock. I felt like I was in a downward spiral and Keller told me everything that was happening was my fault. Deep down I believed him. I also felt ashamed because I contemplated having an abortion and nearly followed through with it. I tried so hard not to let anyone see what was happening inside of me, but I was quickly becoming a shell of a person. I was defining myself by my failures and it was destroying me. After several months of long distance communication with my family, when I finally came home to visit, my mom told me she didn’t emotionally recognize me and felt like she had lost her daughter.
So getting back to the promise I had made to God, my son was only two weeks old when I was first asked if I would talk to a woman who was contemplating having an abortion. I remember thinking, “Wow, God. You didn’t waste any time on seeing if I would keep my promise.” My story was just beginning, yet, God was ready to start using it to reach other people. It was soon after that phone call, that I first thought about starting a blog. I never dreamed of starting a blog. In fact, I once told a blogger friend of mine to not be offended, but I wouldn’t read her blog because I didn’t read any blogs. Honestly, I’ve been putting off starting this blog because I am still in the middle of my story. It doesn’t have an ending yet, much less a pretty bow on top to tie everything together. I’m still going to counseling and am in the process of healing. I still have hard days and moments of doubt. God is still working on putting me back together. I’ve learned, though, that my story doesn’t have to be finished before God can start using it. Sometimes it’s even more encouraging to hear from someone who is still in the middle of God’s redemption story because that person understands and can walk through that journey with you. Nothing is worse than being vulnerable with someone and receiving the “It will all work out in the end” montra.
Here is what I am learning: It’s easy to become defined by my failures. I tend to believe the horrible things that have been said about me, to me, or that I say about myself. Once that negative self talk gets started it is so difficult to stop. My negative self talk usually falls into three categories:
- I’m a failure.
- It is all my fault.
- There is something wrong with me.
But this is what this REDEEMED MAMA is learning — when I start having negative self talk I recite John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that you will have life, and have it to the full.” That verse from the Bible reminds me that negative self talk is not from God. If I continue to engage these negative thoughts and allow them to define me, I will ultimately be destroyed.
Thankfully, God provides a different outcome. When I stop listening to the negative self talk and instead embrace who God says I am, I can live and live life to the full. I want to live so I have to let God redefine my life. I began looking into who God says I am.
- I am a child of God. “But to all who have received Him—those who believe in His name—He has given the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12)
- I am set free from sin and death. “For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:2)
- I am a new creation. “So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away—look, what is new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- I am chosen, holy and blameless before God. “For He chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in His sight in love.” (Ephesians 1:4)
- I am redeemed and forgiven. “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.” (Ephesians 1:7)
I begin each day by declaring these statements of who God says I am. (I honestly didn’t believe them at first, but I kept repeating them.) Each time a negative thought comes, I can strike it down with one of the God says “I am …” statements. I also listen to worship music so my mind can focus on who God says I am throughout the day. For me, it is easier to remember who God says I am with songs that get stuck in my head. The worship songs also help me begin to believe I actually am who God says I am. It is a slow process, but it works. God is redefining who I am and it is so much better than all of the horrible things I had let define me before. You might want to try this for yourself.
Some of my favorite worship songs are:
“Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong Worship
“You Redeem” by Citizen Worship
“O Come to the Altar” by Elevation Worship
I’ve found that being able to identify negative self talk is helpful in being able to combat it. When I start to think I’m a failure, I stop and say “I am a child of God.” I actually say who God says I am out loud. Declaring who God says I am with my mouth and hearing those words helps them sink in. It takes time and concentrated effort to undo the damage negative self talk causes, but it is possible. If you struggle with this too, my suggestion is: Focus on who God says you are and do not be defined by negative self talk.
God is redefining my life according to His word! I decided to call this blog REDEEMED MAMA as a reminder of what God has done and continues to do with my life and through my story. To encourage you, no matter what has happened in your past, God can redeem it. No mistake is too big. No person is too far away. If you are the person who:
- has made a mess of life
- feels the disappointment of dreams
- knows the pain of toxic relationships and abuse
- feels hopeless, lost, and alone
- needs encouragement that God is faithful
- wants to experience God’s unfailing love
- needs reminded that God makes beauty from ashes
then this blog is for you. I look forward to walking through this journey with you and offering encouragement along the way.
Love,
Redeemed Mama