The 2 year anniversary of me finding out I was pregnant is this week. My whole world changed on October 30, 2018. I was terrified to tell my family I was pregnant. I almost allowed that fear to convince me to abort my child. Instead, I had my baby and I am so glad I did. Becoming a mother has been incredibly rewarding. I love that my son looks at me like I am his whole world. That’s not to say my life is perfect because it isn’t. I’m still healing and trying to get my life back on track. I still need to find a job and a place of my own. However, as I reflect on what has occurred in these last 2 years, I am in awe of God’s provision, protection, and redemption.
Provision
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. – Isaiah 41:13
- I always dreamed of being able to stay home with my kids for their first few years of life. When I got pregnant, I didn’t think that would be possible. I was only a few weeks pregnant when I signed my unborn child up for the daycare waiting list. Thankfully, I have been able to work from home so I can be with my son like I always dreamed. Work has changed for me, but God has always provided a way for me to still be at home with my son.
- I always dreamed of having a family. When things didn’t work out with Keller, I was worried all of that would be over. I am so thankful for family who has always supported me. I was worried my family would be ashamed of me, but they have been so proud of me. I was worried my son would not be accepted, but they love him so much. I was worried my son would grow up without a father, but the men in my family have stepped up to be father-figures for my son. I am thankful to be able to have a relationship with Keller’s family. They have supported me and my son and welcomed us into their family with open arms.
- I am so thankful for technology which has allowed me to continue to meet with my counselor throughout this pandemic. I am still in awe of how God provided Lauren in the first place. It all worked out in a way only God could have orchestrated (see blog 10. Reach for the full story).
- I never thought I would need a family law attorney. Thankfully, Lauren gave me a recommendation on a good one. We had a family friend who also recommended that same lawyer. My parent’s mentioned to members of their Bible study that I needed a lawyer. A woman in their Bible study worked for that same lawyer. When I met with the lawyer, he told me he was giving me the advice he would give his own daughter if she were in my situation. I am grateful he was available to take my case and represented me so well in court.
- I think it’s easy to forget that the family of the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy needs support as well. I was worried my family would have to deal with my unplanned pregnancy alone. However, God provided some family friends who were experiencing an unplanned pregnancy with their daughter at the same time. The 2 families were able to get together and support each other.
Protection
The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and they are protected. – Proverbs 18:10
- The fact that there wasn’t an abortion pill in any abortion clinic within a 3 hour radious was the biggest protection not just for my unborn baby, but also for me. I am so glad that the abortion pill was not available. Taking that pill would have ended the life of my child. I don’t know how I would have recovered from knowing that I made the choice to end my child’s life. Taking that pill could have also caused great harm to me. That is something many people do not talk about when they talk about abortion. All abortions have risks (see blog 2: Results to learn more about the physical and emotional sideffects of abortion).
- This is not meant to be judgmental in any way. If you have had an abortion and would like nonjudgmental support, After Abortion Support can help. Text HELPLINE to 313131 to get connected to caring, nonjudgmental help in your area.
- I haven’t told you about this yet, but on December 23, 2019 I was granted a restraining order against Keller. The harassment had gotten out of control and it was the only way I could think of to get it to stop. I am thankful Keller has not contacted me since the restraining order was issued.
Redemption
But now, this is what the Lord says . . . “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” – Isaiah 43:1
- God has been redeeming my story and continues to do so. This blog has been so healing for me mentally and emotionally. It’s also been good to look back and reflect on all that has happened and how far I’ve come. I hope this blog continues to encourage other people who might find themselves in similar situations.
- I was asked to speak at the Care Net Women’s Resource Center banquet in September 2019. It was the first time I had ever publicly shared my story. I was also asked to speak at an all girl’s conference called Father’s Eyes in March 2020 (the weekend everything was shut down). I promised God that I would share my story for His glory. I hope God continues to be glorified each time I share how he has changed my life.
There are still unknowns in my story. There are still areas of my life that need healing. But all of that just means my story isn’t done yet. I’ll be honest, it’s frustrating to not be where I want to be in the timeframe I have set for myself. It’s difficult to wait, but I’m holding on to God’s promise that He will help me.
I’m still trying to find a steady job, but nothing has come through yet. I just submitted my last unemployment claim and I have no job leads. I’m trying not to be discouraged and panicked, but it isn’t easy. This is why it was so important to remind myself, during this week in particular, of just a handful of different ways God has provided, protected, and redeemed me.
On October 30, 2018 my Dad found a coin on the floor of his classroom and was struck with the thought that that coin was God’s way of reminding him that God’s got things in control. Later that day, I called my Dad and told him I was pregnant. God knew what my dad needed before he even knew he needed it. God has provided a way for us to get exactly what we need in the exact time we need it. I started collecting all the coins I find on the ground because they serve as a reminder that God’s got this. Next time you find a coin on the ground, I hope you remember that God’s got this for you as well. The coin even says, “In God We Trust.”
Love,
Redeemed Mama