Once I decided it was time for me to go back to California, I had 1 week to get everything done. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I had to transition projects for work, pack up my stuff, and figure out what I needed to bring for a newborn. My plan was to work remotely from California until the baby was born and then go back to DC after my maternity leave. I sat there on my bed in tears because deep down I knew I would never live in DC again. Even though my plan was to return to DC after my maternity leave, I knew I wouldn’t – or maybe I should say, couldn’t – move back.
The most dangerous time for someone experiencing domestic violence is when she decides to leave. Oftentimes, abusers react with increased aggression and control. It’s also not easy to just up and leave. Think about what goes into relocating: finding a new job, finding a new place to live, finding new friends, finding new doctors, finding a support system. The list goes on.
It’s even more complicated to relocate once children are involved. Did you know you can’t just move children around even if it is to protect them from domestic violence? In some states, it’s illegal to leave the state unless the other parent signs off. It’s best to consult an attorney before deciding to leave with children. WomensLaw.org provides a detailed list of state specific laws pertaining to relocating children.
So many questions swirled around in my head. Thankfully, I had a job and a place to live in California. But what about everything pertaining to the baby? Would my insurance transfer? Would I be able to find a doctor and a doula? Would Keller accuse me of kidnapping my own child?
My parents asked me not to tell Keller I was leaving, but I kept thinking of him accusing me of kidnapping. I decided to tell Keller I was leaving. The conversation went terribly as to be expected, but he understood that going home was the best thing for me and the baby. When the conversion ended, I knew that would be the last time we ever spoke. My heart was broken. This meant I would have to have our baby without Keller there with me. This meant he wouldn’t be there to hold our child. This meant that I would have to do this on my own.
After I told my parents I was coming home, they were very worried about me. They didn’t want things to escalate with Keller. In the middle of the night, my Dad bought a flight to be with me and help me get everything ready. I woke up to a message saying my Dad was landing at the airport in an hour. Having my Dad there to help me was very comforting. I didn’t realize how badly I was hurting.
That week went by quickly. My office surprised me with a babyshower and we placed bets on the date the baby would be born. Grace and Brooke packed all of my stuff for me. I had no idea what was needed for a newborn and I could only bring a few bags with me on the airplane. They managed to pack everything I needed and we learned that strollers and carseats fly free.
My insurance allowed me to transfer care over to a doctor in California. It was tricky because I was 34 weeks pregnant and my pregnancy was high risk. (Don’t worry, I’ll share more about that soon.) I had to have biweekly ultrasounds and I had to schedule all of my ultrasounds weeks in advance. I wasn’t sure if the new doctor would be able to fit in all of those extra appointments. God provided a way for all of my extra ultrasounds and doctors appointments to be right on track. In fact, I had a doctor’s appointment the day after I landed in California.
Grace and Brooke drove us to the airport and helped get all of my bags checked. My Dad and I got on the plane and I felt a wave of emotions. I was leaving the place I called home for 6.5 years. Even though a part of me knew I wouldn’t be coming back, I was still holding on to the hope that I would be back. Even still, I knew leaving DC at that moment was the best thing for me and the baby. When we landed in California, I knew it was the fresh start I needed, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt.
So many things came together so quickly. I know that was all God providing for me. After I surrendered everything over to Him and stopped holding on so tightly, He started moving. I have found that sometimes you have to take a step of faith even if you don’t know the outcome.
Relocating is difficult. Figuring out all of the little details of relocating can be overwhelming. However, sometimes the drastic decision to relocate is the only thing that can give you enough space so you can get a fresh start. Remember Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.”
Love,
Redeemed Mama
Resources:
8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Making the Move