Transition feels like a rollercoaster to me. Transitions can be big or small. Moving to a new place, a new city, or even a new state. Starting or ending a job. Entering into a new season of life. Getting married, starting a family, or making the difficult decision to end a relationship. Going to a new church or starting a new hobby. There are an infinite number of things that can cause a season of transition in life.
Transition feels like a rollercoaster. For me, it usually goes like this: internal struggle to make the right decision, then comes a feeling of excitement after I make a decision, followed closely by a slight feeling of panic because of the unknown, and finally settling into a feeling of acceptance that I made the right decision. I usually trust my gut in these situations and once I make a decision, I stick to it. That’s my pattern. However, with my latest transition it looked a little different.
I’ve been going through two large transitions over the past few months. For the first time in my life I didn’t follow my traditional transitional pattern. Instead of a slight feeling of panic, I became extremely afraid to the point of almost immobility. I felt like I had made the wrong decisions. I didn’t feel qualified or capable of handling all of the changes that were happening at once. I became depressed and pulled away. It was difficult for me to even put into words what I was feeling because it didn’t make any sense to me. There was nothing I could point to that was causing me to be that afraid.
I had been praying God would provide in these two areas of my life and He did. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. I became extremely afraid. Everything felt unfamiliar and I couldn’t handle it. My body was responding to a threat that didn’t exist and I couldn’t make my senses calm down. For all of you science people – my amygdala was operating on overdrive. It was assessing all of the unknown around me as a threat.
Fear of the unknown is a real thing. A lack of predictability and/or a lack of control are two factors that contribute to this fear. You can counteract a lack of predictability by gathering more information, exploring your new town or neighborhood, or mapping out your new commute to work. To give yourself a sense of control, start by making a list of the things within your control and a list of the things outside of your control. Decrease uncertainty by focusing on the areas of your life that you can control.
For me, my therapist recommended I intentionally work to make the unfamiliar feel more familiar. That looks like putting things that make you happy on your desk at work, remodeling your space and hanging things on the walls, filling the air with your favorite candle or essential oil scents, putting a rug in a room to make it feel more homey. It can look like getting out of that toxic relationship and surrounding yourself with healthy friendships. It can also look like joining a small group, spending time getting to know people, or practicing your new hobby so it doesn’t feel so intimidating. I had to make a conscious decision to intentionally remodel my surroundings. It was hard at first, but the more familiar I was able to make things, the better I began to feel. It seems so simple, but it really worked.
A friend described it to me this way: You know you need to be prepared for an attack when you’re in the tank with the shark. However, once you get out in the ocean, you have no idea where the shark is and therefore have no idea if you need to be prepared for an attack. I feel like that accurately describes a fear of the unknown. There is hope though! We don’t have to face the fear of the unknown alone. Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Don’t let fear dictate your season of the unknown. Do a little remodeling of your own. It might just turn out to be even better than you could have imagined.
Love,
Redeemed Mama